


And true love lives (on lollipops and crisps)

by AliveArsenic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Family Bonding, Getting Together, M/M, Team Bonding, bonding in general, plot twist they already were the whole time, tsukishima 'i've searched how to seduce your crush on wikihow and it worked' kei, yamaguchi 'wow it happens i'm worth as much as anyone else' tadashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:49:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9251072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliveArsenic/pseuds/AliveArsenic
Summary: So that's how it changes: awkwardly, with time, with effort. And yet, it still turns out pretty good.Tsukishima wants to prove he cares. Tadashi's trying to wrap his head around the fact he deserves good things. Gifts are exchanged. Limits are set. Videos of seahorses giving birth are watched. The usual.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BlueColoredDreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueColoredDreams/gifts).



> Hi bluecoloreddreams !! I was your Tsukiyama Secret Santa this year !! Thank you so much for waiting so patiently, I was hoping I could finish it by the 7th but in the end I took one more day to make sure it was all right. We have the same taste in Tsukiyama (!!) and you wished for awkward, bad bad Tsukki trying to romance Yamaguchi whilst said Yamaguchi just watches and laughs. I tried to work with this, and also added a bit of team/friend bonding, because... I felt like it? I'm sorry, I hope you'll like it, have a very nice day !!!
> 
> (also please forgive me for the grammar/English mistakes, it's not my first language and I'm still learning !)

The only thing special about this day so far is how hot it is outside.

May weights heavy, wet and warm over their necks. When Tadashi passes a hand on his back, he’s met with a frankly absurd amount of sweat, even for practice day. He pulls on his shirt in a desperate attempt to create enough air to cool himself off.

The pause drags on. It’s not a good day to practice. Nishinoya has been on the edge all day and the tension weights on the team as much as the heat.

It’s not something they’re used to, Noya not being in a good mood. Tadashi supposes he must have had problems home or at school, but if anything is bothering him, he’s not talking about it. At least, not to him.

(Sometimes, it weirds him out: he’s friends with his teammates, but still, they have lives outside his own. It kind of makes him wistful, in an odd sort of way. Close enough to wonder, but not to know.)

He snaps back to reality when Sugawara appears in his peripheral vision, all legs and sweat, holding a stray ball in his hands with the world’s most resigned expression.

\- Help me clean up a bit before we start the second half of practice.

He tosses the ball to him, and Yamaguchi catches it with slippery hands. A brief look around him gives him everything he needs to know: no, no one else’s gonna help him this time. Asahi and Noya quietly talk by the benches; Hinata and Kageyama are sprawled on the floor, quite possibly having a contest over who can cover most space with their sweaty disgusting legs. Tsukki’s not back from the bathroom yet. Oh, well.

There are stray volleyballs everywhere in the gym, and Tadashi successfully picks up five before going back to the end of the court, where the rest of the team begrudgingly starts to get up.  There are wet marks where Hinata and Kageyama were laying down. It’s disgusting. Everyone kind of make the same grimace and a trail of laughter stretches between them.

That’s when Tadashi picks on the sound - a _whoosh,_ air in motion, and then –

BAM

His upper teeth brutally meet the lower ones. He’s sent reeling away with a yelp. Pain floods the left side of his fucking head and _fucking hell_ , it hurts, it hurts –

Tears reflexively fill up his eyes, but he quickly blinks them away and stays perfectly still, hunched over some of the balls he didn’t drop. Awful dumb things about cerebral commotions and head traumas go through his brain at the speed of light.

_“Okay, you’ve been through worse but holy fucking shit it hurts okay no breathe it’s just a ball – it hurts – it’s okay, come on, be a big guy –”_

He grits his teeth, still doesn’t move, and tries to forget about the pain. Somewhere on his left side, Hinata shouts:

\- Are you okay? Hey! Are you okay?

He does a new rapid check on his estimated level of okayness:

\- Yeah, I’m fine.

It’s not a lie: the pain is already receding. Tadashi raises his head cautiously, blinks a few times. His vision’s a bit blurry, but otherwise, everything’s just fine. He hears Daichi sigh:

\- Hey, Noya, be careful.

Oh, so that’s how it happened.

\- He didn’t have to be in the goddamn way. I literally said “watch out for the ball”, it’s not my fault he got hit. I mean, just look where you fucking go, right?

Tadashi blinks again. Nishinoya’s eyebrows are furrowed, his face is all angles. His sharpness is the tiniest bit unnecessary. It doesn’t really hurt him (he gets it, he’s not in a good mood, he can understand that), but it’s not exactly nice to hear either. He tries to lighten the situation as much as he can:

\- I’m fine, guys. No need to make it something big. I should have –

\- Hey, Nishinoya. Apologise.

Tadashi’s not the only one to be surprised, and there’s a collective, almost comical sound effect of squeaking snickers when they all turn to look at Tsukishima. He’s just come out of the locker room, readjusting his goggles. As usual, he looks like he doesn’t really care, but honestly, who would believe him?

(Everyone is the answer. Everyone, except him, Tadashi, because he _knows_ this boy, all right, and there’s a wave of exasperated amusement, _of course Tsukki you’re An Emotionless Stalagmite_ , and then another one, of something else entirely.)

Still, most of Nishinoya’s anger straight up disappeared from his face. He’s not used to be at the receiving end of Tsukishima’s coldness:

\- What?

\- Everybody got it, you’re pissed. But you don’t have to shove it in everyone’s face. You hurt someone, you say you’re sorry, everybody’s all right. Lashing out on people who haven’t done anything to you is ten-years-old material. Also, unnecessarily embarrassing.

There’s kind of a stunned silence for a couple of seconds. Hinata is the first to break it with a snicker:

\- Well, that’s done.

Noya looks legitimately upset now, but not towards Tsukki, more towards himself. Tadashi sighs, presses cool fingers against his temple. Noya wasn’t looking to be mean. He doesn’t deserve this.

\- Tsukki, I’m all right.

Tsukishima jerks, and looks up to him, and Tadashi is kind of taken aback by how many things he can read on his face, how expectant he looks, how furious, how... Oddly, openly _expressive_.

_“Oh, Tsukki, I don’t deserve this either.”_

\- But –

\- _I said_ , Tadashi says (and he can tell Tsukishima is _listening_ now), I’m all right.

There’s another split second of silence. Then Tsukki shrugs:

\- ‘Kay.

Nishinoya shakes his head:

\- Nah, he’s right. I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry about it, Yamaguchi.

Tadashi shoots him a (what he hopes is) a reassuring smile:

\- It’s okay – I should have been more careful. I mean, that’s kind of our whole deal, throwing balls around? I guess I deserved it.

And he smiles again, and hopes that it conveys enough of the sentence “I get it, we’re all a bit on edge, it’s no big deal”.

Nishinoya smiles back, and gives him a thumb up. He still looks a bit wounded but mostly relived Tadashi’s not holding it against him. That’s cool.

It breaks the stupid layer of tension that had fallen on the team, and everyone kind of goes back into motion. Before following Kageyama, though, Hinata turns to him and sends him the biggest least subtle wink Tadashi’s ever received. He’s not one-hundred percent sure what it means, but it’s a thing that happened.

Then Tadashi turns to Tsukishima. He trails behind the others, back to his cold, composed, dumbly stupidly cool self. Tadashi hopes he didn’t hurt him. It’s not his intention. No one here wants to hurt anyone.

\- Thanks, Tsukki.

\- What for?

\- For, like, the concern. It was cool of you.

Tsukishima shrugs again, but he’s turned crimson from the base of his neck to the roots of his hair, so Tadashi knows he’s moved.

\- He should have apologised better. You don’t deserve to be walked over like this.

\- Why?

\- Well. You deserve good stuff, too.

\- Hmm, answers Tadashi.

His throat’s suddenly a bit too dry to say anything else. He kind of wants to ask “but honestly, Tsukki, why deciding that showing emotions is suddenly a good thing and more importantly why showing it to me?” But he doesn’t. Maybe he’s afraid of the answer. Maybe he doesn’t want to look like he’s fishing for compliments. Maybe he doesn’t want to scare the boy off.

\- Thanks, he repeats.

He means it. Tsukki turns an even deeper shade of red.

\- No problem.

 Tadashi thinks to himself, _“if we keep it up, one day we’ll get somewhere nice”_.

* * *

 **_[19:33]_ ** **Noya: Hey, still sorry for the thing during practice, i didn’t mean to snap but i wasn’t doin so great, it won’t happen again**

 **_[19:35]_ ** **You: no problem, are you doing better?**

 **_[19:38]_ ** **Noya: Yes, i talked w/ asahi, i’m good now**

 **_[19:39]_ ** **Noya: Thanks**

 **_[19:39]_ ** **You: no problem :)**

* * *

There’s no TV in Tadashi’s room, so every time Tsukki comes over, they spend the day (and night) in the living room. Tadashi’s mom eats in the kitchen when diner time comes. He’s always a bit sorry about it, a bit guilty to live like he owns the place (which he does, kinda? But still). They’ve talked about it, sure – _it’s okay_ , she said, _I can survive that_ – but, yeah.

She’s not home yet, but she’ll be there soon. Does she know Tsukki’s here? Probably. He must have told her at some point. And even if he didn’t, she won’t be too surprised. Tsukki’s basically a second son to her. Or a very intrusive neighbour, at least.  

\- Why are you smiling? Tsukki asks.

He’s thrown himself on the couch, a big stupid pile of bones and hair, casted aside all the coldness and dramatic dignity. He doesn’t need it here.

\- Remember when my mom hated you?

Tsukki’s expression is the soft and unnerved expression of a very normal sixteen years-old boy. Tadashi’s very glad he’s allowed to see it and marvel over it. Kind of a special place he’s got: Tsukki’s personal safe space. It’s both flattering _and_ vaguely anxiety-inducing (because, as always, _why him_? Fuck if he knows.)

\- She never hated me.

\- She did! I went to her and said “oh, can Tsukki come over?” and she went “hmm, I don’t trust him. Do you really want to be his friend?”

\- What did you do?

\- I probably... Cried, or something. I don’t know. I was young.

\- Well. I was a shit child. She had reasons.

\- You weren’t a shit child.

\- I was.

Tadashi throws him an empty Maltesers wrapper. It falls deceptively on the floor, and Tsukki makes a “krmpf” sound that is probably a laugh.

\- Not the nicest kid around, he says.

\- Yes you were.

\- No I wasn’t. Not the nicest. Not the best.

\- Well, all right, what do you expect me to say? Wow, Tsukki, mom was right all along, you’re such an _awful human being_ , what are you even doing on my couch?

With a (very normal, very soft) giggle, Tsukishima moves on his seat, picks up the wrapper with two long pale fingers and puts it on the table with the others. They’ve already eaten a ton of these things. Tadashi’s mouth is coated with chocolate, thick and heavy, and thinking about it suddenly makes him crave for death. Or at least a glass of water. Why don’t they ever think about water?

As Tadashi groans and starts to lift himself up, Tsukishima perks his head up:

\- Where are you going?

\- I wanna get something to drink. Do you need anything?

But before he’s up, Tsukishima has literally jumped on his feet. The couch protests and Tadashi loses his balance, falling on the cushions with a sad “poof”.

\- I’ll get it for you.

With the same sudden and inexplicable energy, he gets out the living room, and leaves Tadashi with a faceful of cushions and the slightest bit puzzled – but at the same time, not really, no.

Because honestly? Tsukki’s been acting weird lately. And by _weird_ he means _different_. And by _different_ he means _it feels like he’s been on Wikihow “how to woo your crush” and is religiously going down every step one step at the time_.

Which is. Well, weird.

The whole time’s been throwing him a lot inquisitive glances for the past few days so he’s fairly sure he’s not making it all up.

It’s all about very tiny, but very obvious things. He listens more attentively, or at least shows he does. He agrees more, too. He’s always offering to help, but not just by doing it: he’s asking, vocally, explicitly, if Tadashi needs something. And it could be taken for regular friendly behaviour, sure, except it’s Tsukki he’s talking about, and Tadashi knows how he usually shows friendliness. Like, they’re been friends for ten years. He’s a fucking Tsukishima Kei expert.

It’s just... For once, Tadashi’s the one being followed. The one you try to match your pace to. Tsukki listens and watches and talks and is, generally speaking, a nice person – no, scratch that thought, he’s always nice. An open person, then. Like he’s trying to make it clear.

Tadashi... Doesn’t know how he feels about it.

It’s heart-warming to see him try, because he knows how hard it is for him. It’s terrifying, because he’s so, so scared he’s taking it all wrong. And, he has to be honest, it’s also really, really funny. For god’s sake, he sent him three links to [different](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pvHZ4ddR-4) [love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg6BwvDcANg) [songs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwB-iVAfnMo) this past week telling him he “could relate”. Who even told him it’d be a good idea?

(Does he have friends apart from him to tell him “this is how you seduce someone?” Suddenly, Tadashi’s kind of sad. He really wants Tsukki to get more friends. Well, that’ll be his next Tsukki-objective (wow okay that sounds super weird): push him to make more friends.)

Tsukishima comes back from the kitchen before Tadashi can properly think about it (are there dating apps, but for friendship instead?) He’s got at least five bottles in his arms. He must know this wasn’t a _smooth move_ , and he must know Tadashi knows, because when he puts them on the table, he’s got a bit of the cold facade back at the corners of his mouth, his eyes.

\- I took what I could find, he says. Didn’t know what you wanted.

\- You could have asked.

He shrugs, and sits back on the couch, more awkward than before. Tadashi almost regrets teasing him. He stretches his arm and manages to snatch up the nearest bottle. He knows he should say something, acknowledge his intention, because that’s probably how it works (and it’s... Maybe a bit scary to think that Tsukki could just think he doesn’t want this, and stop trying):

\- Are you gonna keep fetching things for me? I could get used to that.

\- I don’t know what you’re talking about.

\- Ahah, okay.

He opens the bottle and takes a long swig of soda. He’s dimly aware of Tsukki’s eyes on him: he flashes him a quick thumb up and a wink. Tsukki pokes him in the ribs; Tadashi spits his soda over his lap in retaliation.

Yes. Romance’s alive.

* * *

 **_[23:46]_ ** **Tsukki: Hey you like flowers right**

 **_[23:48]_ ** **You: yeah wll it depends**

 **_[23:48]_ ** **Tsukki: Cool**

 **_[23:48]_ ** **You: y?**

 **_[23:48]_ ** **Tsukki: Someone sent us a dozen bouquets by mistake and we can’t send them back**

 **_[23:48]_ ** **Tsukki: Mom wants me to get rid of them**

 **_[23:48]_ ** **You: so you are offering me floers?**

 **_[23:49]_ ** **You: flowers***

 **_[23:49]_ ** **Tsukki: I’m asking everyone**

 **_[23:49_ ** **] Tsukki: You give them to someone else i don’t care**

 **_[23:49]_ ** **Tsukki: It’s just to help**

 **_[23:51]_ ** **You: yeah ok alright i believe you**

 **_[23:51_ ** **] Tsukki: It’s true**

 **_[23:51]_ ** **You: i know**

 **_[23:51_ ** **] You: i’ll bring them home after prqctic or smthng**

 **_[23:51]_ ** **You: practice***

 **_[23:51]_ ** **Tsukki: Cool**

 **_[00:55]_ ** **You: yellow tulips are my favourite** **  
**

* * *

Tadashi opens his locker after practice and stops to a halt. There are three flowers tucked neatly between the folds of his shirt. He doesn’t know when they got here. Tsukishima has already left the room, maybe a bit faster than usual, so he can’t ask him.

He picks them up, checks for an eventual message (god, he hopes there’s no letter or anything because the romcom clichés have to stop somewhere). There’s nothing else, though. He breathes deeply, and focuses on the flowers.

They are lovely. The stems are tied together by a soft red string. These are young flowers, not completely open yet. He runs a finger on the curve of one golden petal, appreciates how carefully they’ve been cut, diagonally, so the sap doesn’t flow out. A job done right.

He probably stole them in a garden or something because there’s no way a professional florist would have sold them like this.

This is the last drop. Tadashi starts to laugh, clutching the flowers to his chest, and he laughs, he laughs, tears burning at the corners of his eyes and heart beating wildly in his ribcage – _“oh”_ , he thinks, _“oh, this is textbook.”_

Tanaka pokes his head out of the door of the locker room:

\- Hey, are you all right?

Tadashi, still laughing, can only show him the three yellow tulips he keeps in his shaking fist. Tanaka’s eyes literally _gleam_ :

\- You got flowers? In your locker? Yamaguchi – is someone flirting with you?

His laughter is getting a bit hysterical, and he knows he should stop, but there’s something more than hilarity behind it... A lot of things Tadashi has trouble grasping. So he laughs.

The thing is, it’s about Tsukki, perfect wonderful stupid Tsukki, and it’s him, the dumb quiet boy in the corners of one’s shadow, and it feels... Surreal. Way too good to be true.

He knows people like him. It doesn’t mean he’s able to accept it.

Tears are running down his face and he’s not exactly sure it’s because he’s laughing now. Tanaka approaches quietly, a bit uncomfortable, and says:

\- You okay?

Tadashi represses the hiccups in his chest and tries to stand straighter, wipes the tears spilling on his cheeks, bites the inside of his mouth to try and stop making so much noise. Tanaka looks really concerned now, in his awkward Tanaka-way. Tadashi doesn’t want to make him worry. He doesn’t want him to know he’s cry-laughing because his best friend is quite possibly flirting with him and it’s both awful and wonderful.

\- Yeah. Wow. I don’t know what got to me.

Tanaka slaps him on the back, almost sending the flowers flying, and then ruffles his hair:

\- You’re a lucky boy, Yamaguchi! Don’t be so emotional over it, girls like the cool, detached aura! You gotta keep your appreciation for yourself, let them wonder. That’s the key to success!

Tadashi looks at Tanaka, who’s beaming, but he also sees the tiniest traces of worry in his eyes, and he does his best to give him a bright smile:

\- I’ll keep it in mind.

*

Tsukishima pretends not to notice his red eyes or the yellow tulips carefully tucked inside his bag when Tadashi joins him outside. He hovers over the thought for a while, afraid to go too fast, be too pushy, before finally saying:

\- They’re really nice.

\- Hmm?

\- The tulips. They’re really nice. I liked them. Thank you.

Tsukki absentmindedly plays with the wires of his earphones:

\- Cool.

His cheeks are bright red. It could be because of the heat. Tadashi can’t really blame him, though, because he can feel his face is in a similar state of being.

* * *

 **_[21:12]_ ** **Hinata: TANAKA TOLD ME EVERYTIHNG HOLY SHIT IS IT TSUKISHMA??**

 **_[21:12]_ ** **You: please don’t tell anyone else srsly**

 **_[21:12]_ ** **Hinata: ahah whops**

 **_[21:12]_ ** **Hinata: i mean like ppl know like kageyama does of course and noya too and maybe daichi/suga mybe???**

 **_[21:12]_ ** **Hinata: asahi maybe???**

 **_[21:13]_ ** **You: okay so like everyone**

 **_[21:13]_ ** **Hinata: yeah not ennoshita :p but yeah so thats tsukshma right**

 **_[21:13]_ ** **Hinata: tsukishima**

 **_[21:13]_ ** **Hinata: right??? it’s so obvious ahahahah he kept askng us to leave fast so you’d be alone in the room when you got the flowers**

 **_[21:13]_ ** **Hinata: so romantic holy shit ‘im can’t believe it**

 **_[21:14]_ ** **You: please dont’ tell him anything**

 **_[21:14]_ ** **Hinata: yeah of course like he’d probably explode or something or maybe hed killl me**

 **_[21:14]_ ** **You: thanks**

 **_[21:14]_ ** **Hinata: anyway get the boy and all that!! :p**

 **_[21:14]_ ** **You: way to make it weird :p**

 **_[21:15]_ ** **Hinata: i’m being the supportive secondary character plus ahve you seen him you NEED the support dude**

 **_[21:15]_ ** **Hinata: and its the first love stoy of the team!!!! Hype**

 **_[21:22]_ ** **You: you know what actually it’s nice of you to be there**

 **_[21:22]_ ** **You: like some people like me probs don’t have ppl like you to tell them its okay**

 **_[21:22]_ ** **You: so thanks about that i guess???**

 **_[21:23]_ ** **Hinata: :’) SO EMOTIONAL**

 **_[21:23]_ ** **You: yeah i’m rereading and yikes**

 **_[21:23]_ ** **Hinata: just keep me updated you kown i live for the drama ;)**

 **_[21:23]_ ** **Hinata: and when its all over i’ll have so much material to tease him over its gonna be GOLDEN**

 **_[21:24]_ ** **You: you know i will**

* * *

 ** _[01:32]_ ** **Tsukki: Hey what do you think about[this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6HMW7h5jGY)  
**

**_[01:32]_ ** **You: go to sleep tsukki we have class tomorrow!!**

 **_[01:32]_ ** **Tsukki: All right**

 **_[01:37]_ ** **You: it’s nice actually, i like the singer’s voice, and the lyrics are sweet**

 **_[01:37]_ ** **You: thks tsukki**

 **_[01:37]_ ** **Tsukki: Good night**

 **_[01:38]_ ** **You: goodnight**

 **_[01:38]_ ** **You: ;***

* * *

The heat is even worse inside the buildings.

Everyone here is confronted with the same, terrible choice: get closer to the windows in the hope to get some breathable air, but submit to the sun’s scorching rays; or retreat in the shadows, and live in a perpetual state of suffocation.

Tadashi doesn’t get sunburnt easily. He’s chosen his fate long ago. Splayed over his desk by the window, he lets the sun burn his nape in exchange of that sweet oxygen everyone else has forsaken.

It’s not half-bad, once you’re used to the sweat. The heat makes him a bit sleepy, and he keeps drowsing off, golden red light behind his eyelids.

In front of him, pale skin very rapidly turning crimson, Tsukki’s here. He’s sitting back to the whiteboard, typing absentmindedly on his phone. The sun turns his hair white, incandescent. He hates the heat. It’s always so incredibly chilly in his room. Tadashi still loves it, though, mostly because of the smell, mostly because it’s Tsukki’s.

He’s always been in so deep, and he’s not even angsty about it.

Suddenly, Tsukki puts down his phone, and looks at him behind his glasses – eyes always a bit to the left, never truly meeting his, but Tadashi knows better than make it a big deal. Eye problems are part of Tsukki’s character.

He makes a peace sign with his left hand, the one that’s not crushed by his head:

\- Sup?

Tsukishima opens his mouth a couple of times, but no sound comes out. Eventually, with apparent difficulty, he says:

\- I’m glad you’re here with me.

Then he swears silently, and as Tadashi’s heart is already reaching peaks of activity, he adds:

\- You look really nice today.

\- What, flatly answers Tadashi.

\- What.

There’s a very, very awkward silence as time stretches to infinity between them. Tadashi can hear two girls absolutely losing it in his back. Tsukishima, on his side of the desk, looks ready for death’s cold embrace. He’s not too sure what he looks like himself.

Maybe he should have thought about his answer beforehand.

\- Erhm – sorry. I meant. I.

\- No, says Tadashi, no, I, uh, yeah. Thanks. You... I’m glad, too. And – you look nice too.

He laughs faintly, scratches the back of his neck:

\- But like, you always do, so I guess it’s not really worth mentioning.

Tsukki scowls, and Tadashi finds a bit of that usual irritation in his eyes, the need to prove a point even in the worst moments:

\- Well, you do, too, and I think it’s still important to mention.

And then, because he’s an _idiot_ , he raises his hand to tuck one of Tadashi’s stray strands of hair behind his ear. It doesn’t even work – too short – and it falls back right where it was, in front of his eyes.

One of the girls behind him straight up falls off her chair.

Tadashi discretely pinches the skin of his arm, just in case. He doesn’t wake up and doesn’t really know if he should be glad about it.

Tsukki’s pink, bright face turns livid as horror slowly creeps on in front of what he’s just done. That expression is priceless but Tadashi kinda wishes he was smooth enough not to make him feel like this.

He’s not. He’s awful at this. God they’re both awful at this.

\- Well, says Tsukki with a voice that’s a bit raspier than usual, I’m gonna go now.

Tadashi doesn’t have the strength to stop him. Tsukki picks his phone in a hurry, then gets up (he hits his elbow on the corner of the desk in the process, doesn’t even seem to notice) and fucking _runs_ out of class like the Devil just chased him out; Tadashi can only watch, mouth open on nothing, hands empty, eyes full of sunlight.

\- Hells, he says, and smacks his forehead on the desk.

* * *

\- Mom, Tadashi asks after diner.

She’s sitting in the red couch, eating her bowl of ice cream – vanilla and cherry plum, Tadashi took vanilla and raspberry – in front of a show they both like to watch even though Tadashi will never admit it, because it’s kind of girly, and also really dumb.

Tadashi doesn’t really know if it’s the right time to talk about this. But he knows he can trust his mom’s judgment, and he knows it can’t hurt to ask (he can hear Tsukki’s voice in his head, _for god’s sake Yamaguchi just ask they’re not going to punch you_ ), so he does.

\- Yes?

\- Is Tsukki a good friend?

She puts the bowl down on the table and turns to look at him, frowning in this very particular mother-way:

\- Why? Did he do anything?

\- No... I just, I remember that you didn’t like him first, and, I don’t know, I just...

His voice trails off. He doesn’t know how to end his sentence. His mom’s eyes soften, though:

\- Yeah, well, I was worried he was... Talking down on you, or something. Make you believe you were worth less than him.

\- He never did that!

\- I’m just saying! You went home from school and all you talked about was how great Tsukishima was, how strong, how brave and whatnot. I was worried he made you think that you needed him to survive or... Things like this. And I didn’t want you to believe that! You’re a good boy, you’re worth as much as him.

Tadashi carefully puts his cold bowl on his bare knees, thinking intensely. He remembers the purple red bruises on his forearms; hot tears and shallow breaths in a closed toilet before a competition, a test, anything; they’re so good, all of them, burning bright and you can’t even hit a _goddamn volleyball_ ; you’re not as good, not as resilient, not as clever; _you could do great things_ , they say, and oh you want to do these great things, but will you ever be able to? Are you strong enough? You’ll waste yourself; always in potentia, never in action.

But Tsukki, him, oh, Tsukki is so good.

\- I mean... I did think that. I... I still do, a bit.

\- But he’s got flaws. Everybody does.

She giggles, out of the blue, and Tadashi raises his head:

\- What?

\- Once – you were maybe, oh, eleven – you came home from school, and you were looking so dark... I asked you what was wrong, and you told me in all seriousness: _Tsukki, he’s not good at drawing. I’m better than him. Do you think I should stop liking him?_

Tadashi chokes on his ice cream:

\- _What_?

\- You did! And I had to sit you down and give you the “people are not perfect, you have to love them past their flaws and help them get over them” talk... Why don’t you remember?

\- I don’t remember _everything_.

\- Anyway, I guess you listened, because the next day you came home and you were back to “oh, Tsukki managed to make a super complicated division, he’s so cool, I wish I was more like him”.

He considers hiding his face in his bowl and never go out ever again. If his mom notices him dying of embarrassment, she’s kind enough not to mention it, and just keeps on talking:

\- I just didn’t want you to perpetually live in his shadow. That’s why I didn’t trust him at first.

\- But he – like, you know he never tried to – humiliate me, or...

He can’t find the right words, because there are two different things he’d like to tell her right now and it’s getting a bit confusing. He’s not really used to have heartfelt conversations with his mother.

What does he want to say? Tsukki never, never tried to bring him down. Tadashi did this well enough on his own. Tsukki never wanted him to be the lesser friend. It’s all his fault, all his fault, because he’s dumb like this, but not Tsukki’s fault, on the contrary.

On the contrary! And his heart is suddenly filled with warmth, tight with unexpected affection, because Tsukki is awkward and definitely bad at this whole emotion bullshit, but he’s sixteen, and Tadashi knows he believes in him down to his very bones – knows that he always did.

Tsukishima’s making him better. Sometimes, he doesn’t even know it, because he’s dumb like this.

He thinks of Tsukki running away – avoiding confrontation, avoiding problems – cold to hide his sheer incapacity at dealing with suffering – and the stifling evening air, the lights outside, screaming: _pride? What more motivation do you need than pride?_

His legs had been shaking. Still, he had stood up.

He’s a better person. He’s a better person, a better boy, a happier boy, because of Tsukki. And Tsukki, still the worst at showing emotions, still the worst in a lot of things, is trying because of him: both of them, they’re doing better.

\- He helps, you know.

His mom smiles:

\- Yes, I know he does. He’s grown a lot. Plus, I’m always careful when he comes here. I want him to treat you right!

\- And he does, right?

\- Yes! I guess he does. Even more so lately. Did you tell him something about me or something? He looks so eager to please.

He can’t suppress the very awkward giggle that comes out of his mouth:

\- Ehh... I think he’s just trying to show he cares.

And that’s when he knows he’s made a mistake.

\- Show he _cares_? repeats his mom, very slowly.

Tadashi lets out a long, embarrassed whine and progressively retreats behind his knees:

\- Yeeesss...

\- Do you mean caring like –

\- Mooom...

\- Because if anything is going on –

\- Oh my god mom please –

\- I just want you to be happy –

That’s when Tadashi just drowns his entire bowl of ice cream and hopes he get a serious enough brain-freeze he’ll forget about everything he’s said these past twenty minutes.

* * *

 

 **_[22:41]_ ** **You: good news my mom likes you now**

 **_[22:41]_ ** **Tsukki: Oh cool**

 **_[22:42]_ ** **You: yeah we have her blessing and all tht**

 **_[22:42]_ ** **You: that***

 **_[22:42]_ ** **Tsukki: I’m glad**

 **_[22:42]_ ** **You: yeah me too**

 **_[22:43]_ ** **You: ;***

 **_[22:44]_ ** **Tsukki: Why are you doing this for**

 **_[22:45]_ ** **You: showing i care duuuuh**

 **_[23:18]_ ** **Tsukki: You don’t need to**

 **_[23:18]_ ** **Tsukki: I already know**

 **_[23:19]_ ** **You: <3**

 **_[23:23]_ ** **Tsukki: <3**

 **_[02:13]_ ** **You: btw look at[this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsHCqrrU-Gk) **

**_[02:15]_ ** **Tsukki: Holy shit it looks like it’s vomiting yogurt what the fuck where did you find this**

 **_[02:15]_ ** **You: ;) ;) ;)**

 **_[02:16]_ ** **Tsukki: I hate you**

 **_[02:17]_ ** **Tsukki: Here[watch this ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POZ4CcJILWw)  
**

* * *

 

Tadashi knows they could cut out the bullshit and get to the part where they tell each other about their feelings. There are multiple reasons why they don’t. One, seeing Tsukki stumble his way through “proper courting” is just too good. Two, he knows that it’s important to Tsukishima that they take it gradually, because he’s not used to this (and Tadashi’s been waiting for years, he’s a patient boy). Three, he thinks, somewhere, that it’s part of the transition and that it’ll be way less awkward this way. He’s not too sure about that, but he hopes he’s right. Four, he needed the time too.

Does he want something to happen? Yes. Is he ready to make it happen? Almost. Will it be awkward? Well, duh. No regrets? None at all.

That’s what Tadashi thinks about lately.

The heat has gone from “tolerable” to “hell-like” in a matter of days. There are warnings everywhere on TV, stay hydrated, don’t lock your kids/dogs/elders in your cars, don’t go outside between noon and three.

Daichi’s been thinking, “should we put practice on hold until we’re back to healthier temperatures?”, to which everyone answered, “hell now, dude, no way” – even Tsukishima, which was surprising, but welcome all the same.

Still, it’s hard. By the end of the day Tadashi feels like he’s burnt more than what he had in him. Even breathing becomes a chore. Walking home with Tsukki, they both vaguely eye each other when they pass in front of a shaded bench.

\- Do you want to...

They’re both asking each other, but also already in motion, and they’re seated before they even answer. They both snigger over it like schoolboys (which they are):

\- We’re like grandpas, says Tadashi with a large grin on his face.

He makes his voice all shaky and hoarse:

\- Oooh, my poor boy, I hope you’ll never age, it becomes so tiring in the end...

\- My bones are hurting all over, answers Tsukki in the same kind of voice (but not as good as his); it’s going to rain soon.

\- You know it’s a real thing? My grandma could do that.

\- Please kill me before it ever happens to me. Can you imagine? It must feel like hells.

\- Like multiple hells at once.

\- All of them hells, Tsukki says in a very serious voice which send Tadashi laughing over his bruised knees.

Sweat beads on his chin and unclips itself to fall on the dust between his feet. That’s when Tsukishima fucking _smacks_ him on the forearm, and Tadashi opens very large eyes:

\- What? What did I do?

Tsukki looks like he’s swallowed an entire bee hive. He’s so red Tadashi almost fears for a second he’s gotten an insolation.

 - I didn’t mean, he starts.

Then he emits a strange high-pitched yelp, and Tadashi notices his hand, half-raised between them, and his insides kind of turn into jelly:

\- What where you –

\- I wanted to – I thought you were sitting further away – for Christ’s sake –

Tsukki lowers his hand, and for a second, looks like he’s going to slap himself. Tadashi knows he could.

\- Where you trying to...

He can’t say it. Tsukki has fallen silent, and Tadashi thinks, _“fuck, we can’t stop there”_. Suddenly, the silence is deafening.

Well. They’re not good at words, right? That’s the whole thing about this doom-train of flirtation they’re in at the moment. And they’ve always been better at acting than talking. Tadashi feels a wave of pure bravery wash over him:

\- Here, he finally says.

And he puts his hand over Tsukki’s, on his right thigh, and tries very hard not to self-combust.

The boy looks at him, and says, very plainly:

\- Oh.

Tadashi laughs nervously:

\- My palms are kind of sweaty. Sorry about that.

He’s ruining it. He’s fucking ruining it.

\- I, says Tsukki, then swallows audibly: I don’t mind. Yamaguchi –

\- Ahah, please, don’t call me sweetheart or anything –

\- I was – would Tadashi –

But they both grimace over it, even though Tadashi’s insides are melting, because urgh, no, no, that’s weird.

\- No, god, please, no.

But then, he adds:

\- Not right now, at least.

Tsukki looks desperate for a second, and after a moment of silence, he says, in this tiny heartbreaking voice, a whisper barely audible between the cicada cries and the great roll of the heat on the road:

\- But what can I do?

His fingers are wrapped, slick and hot around Tadashi’s. He feels his blood pulsating through the thin layer of skin.

\- You already do a lot, answers Tadashi with a (very real this time) hoarse voice.

\- Not enough. Not as much as you.

\- But I’ve noticed! I’ve noticed you. You’re not –

\- It’s just...

Silence. Tadashi waits. He knows he’ll talk, because he feels like he has to, god, he knows this boy so well.

\- I know it doesn’t work if I don’t invest myself.

He talks slowly, in measured steps.

\- I don’t want you to think... I don’t care. That I don’t... People don’t like it when you’re... Not expressing yourself.

Another silence. Tsukki looks like he’s thinking. His eyes are a bit lost somewhere between the trees in front of you, between the grass and the wheat. The great sky above them is purple with heat and sun. Tadashi’s breath is warm in his nose.

\- You deserve the right things. I wanted to make this right. I... I wanted it to be proper.

Tadashi can’t help himself:

\- Did you at least write me a poem?

Tsukki’s not meeting his eyes. Then, he turns, and with his right hand (the one that’s not holding Tadashi, and holy shit, they’re holding hands), he rummages through his bag and finally pulls a folded paper sheet out of it and gives it to Tadashi still not looking at him.

\- Please don’t read it here, he mumbles in his beard.

Tadashi values Tsukki’s dignity (or what remains of it), so he tucks it in his short’s pockets.

\- See? You’re doing it _nice_.

\- Oh, fucking kill me.

\- No! No. I’m not making fun of you.

Tsukishima raises an eyebrow. Tadashi rolls his eyes:

\- Okay, maybe a little. But...

Now it’s his turn to look for his words. There’s a great, big, dumb worry threatening to overtake his chest – he’s taking it all wrong, he’s making him do it out of pity, he’ll fuck it up, he’s not good enough, it’s all a vast terrible joke.

God, he can’t say that out loud.

\- I already knew you cared. You... Didn’t need to do all of –

He gestures vaguely:

\- All of this.

\- But – did you... Did you want it?

\- Oh. Erm. Wow.

His voice gets miserably small. He’s going to sound so thirsty:

\- Oh. Yes? A bit?

\- For how long?

Yes, Tadashi, tell the boy you’ve been happily pining for years. Tsukki’s not the only one who’s been shamefully reading through dating websites, and the number 1 advice always is “don’t tell your crush you like them, it’ll scare them away!”.

Nervousness is making his throat close. His voice gets even smaller:

\- A couple years?

Tsukki looks like he’s about to throw up. Tadashi honestly feels like it too.

\- And I didn’t even _know_ , he says with something close to despise in his tone.

\- It’s not your fault –

\- I should have – should have made it clear sooner –

\- I knew you cared. I always knew you cared. I didn’t always – okay no all right I still don’t really know why –

God, he’s had open hearted conversations with Tsukki before, somewhere in the lost hours of the night, between classes in suspended moments, but it’s the first time it makes him this nervous. Right now he’s actually downright terrified, and it’s maybe the scariest part – but they have to, they have to.

\- But, I knew you cared. I’ve grown to accept it. I, uh. I know you well enough. You always cared.

\- I did. And I knew you did too.  I just, it’s just, you deserve – you’re so good. You try so hard. So brave, too. And nice. I mean... I mean, you deserve good things.

And he repeats it softly, so expressive it almost hurts:

\- You deserve good things.

They keep silent after this. Tsukki’s hand has grown cooler in his own. It’s nice.

Tadashi realises somewhere around then that he can only be afraid of Tsukki for so long. He just trusts him too much. Plus, it’s Tsukki he’s talking about. The only person as stupid as this guy is presently sitting right next to him. They’re both holding hands. A perfect circle of stupidity.

\- You’re a good thing.

Tadashi’s voice’s doing better. A very small smile blooms on Tsukki’s face and it’s golden under the green shade of the tree:

\- I know. You are, too.

Sweat runs between their fingers. A bee buzzes somewhere.

\- Do you still want to hold hands? asks Tsukishima.

\- Uh. Yeah. If that’s – if that’s okay with you.

\- Um, yes.

\- But no surnames. Not yet. Please. I’m begging you.

\- Oh, _thank god_.

* * *

 

They walk home hand in sheepish hand. By the time they get there Tsukki has a very nasty sunburn on his face, and Tadashi’s got stung by a wasp. Altogether, a really great walk.

* * *

 

 **_[22:02]_ ** **You: thank you so much for not comparing me fcreckles to stars**

 **_[22:02]_ ** **You: i think i would have died on the spot im not kidding you**

 **_[22:02]_ ** **You: but the flower part though???**

 **_[22:03]_ ** **Tsukki: I’ll fucking block you just so you watch**

 **_[22:03]_ ** **You: awww cold**

 **_[22:04]_ ** **Tsukki: If anyone ever sees this youre dead to me**

* * *

 ** _[21:56]_ ** **You: hinata please swear to god youll never ever talk abt it i trust you with my life youre one of my best fiernds swear you wont betray me**

 **_[21:57]_ ** **Hinata: NO ID NEVER WHATS GOING ON I SWEAR PLZ WHAT**

 **_[21:58]_ ** **You: [one attached file]**

 **_[22:00]_ ** **Hinata: holy S H I T**

* * *

 ** _[22:05]_ ** **You: pff ahah no way plz tsukki have a little faith in me**

* * *

 

It’s late now, but Tadashi can’t sleep yet. With the tip of his finger, he traces over the words on the sheet of paper, silently mouthing them. Tsukki’s not really good at poetry. Yet, Tadashi’s heart keeps beating, and beating, and beating – the line reads “there are dried seeds deep in my heart – you smile, and you make a garden out of me”, and Tadashi knows it sings _“I’ve known you all my life; help me make it stay true”._

“We are not colliding, dear, merely merging, rivers meeting rivers”.

Tadashi’s never smiled as much in his life, and when he puts his hand on his forehead, he finds his head spinning a bit. There’s something so enormous spilling in his chest, gold light, gold warmth, he feels like he’ll never be cold ever again. He even shivers a bit. Excitation. Tremors of joy.

Slowly, badly, they’re getting somewhere.

* * *

It was bound to happen. His mother had warned him: but Tadashi, oblivious to the signs, full of naive confidence, had dismissed her advice. He can’t blame anyone but himself.

\- Do you have an umbrella? he asks Tsukki with an eagerness he doesn’t even try to hide.

But Tsukishima shakes his head, and Tadashi’s hopes are reduced to dust.

\- Just put your bag over your head. It’s warm rain. We’ll run to your house.

Tadashi points to his legs, his soaked snickers:

\- It’s shin-deep. We’ll get carried away by the current and hit a car and die and no one will ever find our corpses.

\- Yeah, that seems super likely. What, do you just want to wait here?

Tadashi shrugs:

\- Well, why not?

Tsukki looks at him, then sighs, and puts his bag on the floor:

\- Okay. All right.

\- Thanks, Tsukki.

Tadashi sits by his side, and starts untying his shoes in the hopes it’ll make them dry faster. Tsukki’s looking at him in this weird soft expression Tadashi now knows is his most heartfelt attempt at showing affection. Tanaka says it makes him look like he wants to shit a couple bricks; Tadashi can see it, but also, fuck you, Tanaka, he still loves it.

The rain shows no signs of stopping soon. The heat has finally given up and the most fantastic, gigantic rainstorm Tadashi’s ever seen has taken over the sky. Lightning bolts crack and shine every second at least, turning the heavy grey clouds purple with electricity.

From afar, they see some people running to get shelter under bus stops, trees, houses. They’re safe where they are now. Tadashi sighs and closes his eyes lazily.

\- Do you remember when we were thirteen? asks Tsukishima.

\- Oh, well, depends of the season. I had this really nasty cold in December –

\- It was in summer. We were in your room. We were talking about getting old and the meaning of a good life and I told you I loved you.

Tadashi opens his eyes again, and looks at Tsukishima, looks at the rain, the flood, the wet wood over their heads:

\- Yeah. I remember.

\- You said you did, too.

\- Yeah, well, I didn’t lie. I think it was pretty natural for me at the time? Plus, mom had told me that love was a good thing and like, you could love your friends and love your family and love your significant other, but it was still love. So, yeah, right, I loved you.

\- Did you know I meant it too?

Tadashi lets out an overly surprised gasp:

\- What? No way, Tsukki, do you mean you appreciate me for who I am?

Tsukishima rolls his eyes at him, but there’s fog on his glasses, so the effect kind of falls flat.

\- I’m trying. Please be nice.

\- Oh, I’m nice, I’m always nice.

\- Yeah, you are. That’s something I admire.

Tadashi pokes him in the arm:

\- Oh, stop it, _Kei_.

Tsukishima shudders, and Tadashi laughs over the roar of the storm. _Kei_ doesn’t roll of the tongue as well as _Tsukki_ , but it has a weight, a taste he can learn to appreciate.

Every time Tsukishima calls him Tadashi, he dies a little inside. He’s not ready to say he finds it hot for all all its weird weird weirdness. Hells, he’s only sixteen. Cut him some slack.

\- I was thinking.

\- What, again?

But Tsukishima’s close now, and the words die on Tadashi’s teeth, rain-stained shirts pressed flat against each other.

Tsukki looks really focused now. He licks his lips by pure reflex, and somewhere in Tadashi a voice goes quietly “oh”.

Like every time he’s in front of something he doesn’t really know how to confront, Tadashi giggles nervously:

\- Are you going to kiss me?

Tsukishima’s nose gets all crumpled:

\- That – that was the plan. Thanks for ruining it.

\- You’re welcome, darling.

\- Oh, please, no.

\- All right, all right.

But they’re still close, and Tadashi’s thinking, too. There are raindrops in Tsukki’s hair, on his right cheekbone, on the branches of his glasses. He’s never kissed anyone before. Inside, his heart’s beating in patterns he doesn’t recognise.

\- Are you doing this because you think you have to? he whispers, very softly, in the shared space of their rain-full breaths.

He hears Tsukki go “tsk”:

\- Don’t be stupid.

\- I’m not, he answers, but they’re already kissing.

And it’s. Soft.

A thousand thoughts come dying on the shores of Tadashi’s mind. One of them stays whole for a little longer: _oh_ (Tadashi doesn’t really put words on this, but still the feeling’s there), _oh, for all we’ve missed, I really thought we’d be worse than this._

They part. Tadashi’s shivering. He’s not cold, though.

\- That was good, he breathes against Tsukki’s mouth, a couple centimetres from him.

\- Yeah, the other boy agree. Yeah, it was.

Then Tsukki tilts his head a bit:

\- Are we dating now?

Tadashi stays still for a couple of seconds, then lets a bark of laughter explode in Tsukishima’s face:

\- Why, weren’t we dating before?

\- I don’t know! he says, very defensive. In movies, they date once they’re kissing.

\- They date once they have sex. Plus they don’t realise they’re in love until they’ve run away from each other in the rain on a bridge. Also, fuck, Tsukki, I’ve sent you a heart by text. Isn’t that dating?

\- It’s certainly not what Internet says.

\- Well, I say we’ve been dating the whole time.

\- The whole time?

\- Yeah. Ever since we’ve met. We’ve already been on countless dates. We’re actually experts at dating.

Tsukki smiles, the prettiest smile Tadashi’s ever seen:

\- No awkward first date. No meeting the parents. Living the dream.

\- Look. All I’m saying is, you sent me flowers as a courting present in my volleyball locker, and I’m still there. It can’t get weirder than that, right?

And right as he says it, he realises that – actually, you know what? He’s right. His friendship with Tsukki has always been the most uneasy stupid thing ever, but he’s not scared of it. He’s not scared of Tsukki. There’s no way it could go wrong, because it’s just – who they are. Embarrassing together. No place for fear or apprehension. Only knowledge, appreciation, quiet understanding.

They’re doing good, he realises. They’re doing very good.

\- I suppose it can’t get worse. But – then, what is going to change? How do you live through – how do you...

That’s right. Usually, after the kiss, the movie ends. Credit rolls. The room goes dark. Where are you, after this? Where are these lovers, what happens to them? Tadashi pensively scratches his knee.

\- Well. We could kiss more. And maybe sleep in the same bed. Oh, we could get a house! And travel together. And you’ll keep getting me drinks and flowers, because that’s cute. Also at some point I’ll call you _babe_ and it won’t be the weirdest fucking thing you’ve ever heard.

Tsukki physically recoiled when he pronounced the word, and he grimaces:

\- Wow. I really can’t wait.

But then he smiles again, that pretty little smile Tadashi likes, and because he’s still full of adrenaline and rain and hopes, he kisses him again.

This time Tsukki’s glasses fall on his face and he almost loses an eye.

* * *

In the end, being in a relationship is a bit like kissing each other. They’re way better at it than what one would expect.

Tsukishima’s the first to propose to tell the team. Tadashi has to pretend everyone is not already very much aware, and when Tsukki kisses him in the locker room, all tense hands and nervous glances, he prays that Hinata will be kind enough to act surprised.

\- Ahah, wow, Tsukishima, do you really have to bend so low to reach him? Cute.

\- The fuck is wrong with you, says Kageyama in a disgusted voice.

 _“Oh well”_ , Tadashi thinks with a certain dose of fatalism, _“he’s dead now.”_

* * *

 ** _[23:12]_ ** **You: you still like me though right?**

 **_[23:12]_ ** **Tsukki <3: Why do you have to text im literally in your bathroom just come and talk to me**

 **_[23:12]_ ** **You: ahah i knew you kept your phone when you showered**

 **_[23:12]_ ** **Tsukki <3: Of course i do**

 **_[23:13]_ ** **Tsukki <3: But also fuck off**

 **_[23:14]_ ** **You: ;***

Yes. They’re very good at this.

**Author's Note:**

> Here !! I hope you liked it ! It was my first time writing about these two sooo I hope it was at least enjoyable !!  
> All videos and songs are 100% legit. The bit where Yamaguchi talks about "yellow tulips being his favourite" comes from another Gorgeous Tsukiyama fic called "Strawberries and Cream", which actually spawned my love for these two.  
> Have a very nice day !! :D


End file.
